Fragments
by amechan87
Summary: Aki is a hard, boyish girl who will not open up to anyone else. Her friend, Akari will do anything to make her happy, even matchmaking. Well, that's what 'normal' people might think, though. No KnK charac in here, just borrowing a few names & concept
1. Ame

Fragments part 1 – Ame

The meandering rain slipped down against the glassy window like tears. Imaginative people might really think that the sky was crying. Good for them. At least life won't be so boring for them, won't be as lonely…

Loneliness… I didn't know why rain portrays loneliness that much, why people always associate it with the other as if it is the truth of the world. Perhaps, rain really looked like tears and lonely people cry.

I didn't. No matter what they said, I didn't, yet loneliness was what I felt that day as I sat on a wooden chair by the window staring at the endless rain outside, a glass of hot tea in one hand.

"What are you eating, Aki?" a gleeful voice asked and I tore my sight away from the window to a petite form on my bed, a feet rose dangling high upwards, revealing a rather smooth pretty figure beneath the fluffy skirt.

"I'm just having my tea," I said and took another slurp of the hot tea, almost ignoring her.

"How boring, I thought you are having cup noodles," she said.

"_Baka_." The silence lingered and I stared at the dark sky silently as she hummed one of the crazy tunes of hers. The light became dimmer colouring the room with shades of grey. It won't stop and it would be raining the entire day, I guessed. "Naa, Akari…"

"Hmm?"

"Why did you come here?"

She grabbed onto my pillow burying half of her face in it as she turned at me. "Thehee," she laughed. "I always know that you will feel lonely in this kind of weather."

I stared boredly at her face for a couple of second before I drank my tea again. "Akari, go back."

"_Nande?!_ I came here just to accompany you!" she protested pouting like a child.

"My roommate will return in a few minutes, I don't want her to find out."

"Like she will find out," she said.

"She will if you stay."

"But, will it be that bad if she does?! If she's showing any negative attitude towards you I will-" CLICK. The key's turning, someone's at the door.

BADUMM!!

"_Tadaima_," a voice was heard as the door opened. "What was that sound just now?"

"_Okaeri_, Asako. The tissue box just slipped off my hand." I bend down a little pretending to lift the tissue box I had earlier grabbed from the table back to its place. Just then, I saw a small hand came out from under the bed pulling in the remaining scruff of skirt out of sight. _Baka onna da._

"Oh, is that so?" Asako went straight to her own bed, collapsing onto it, ignoring the somewhat wet clothe she had. "Ah, I'm so tired," she moaned before turning back at me. "How was the lecture?"

"I skipped my class," I said.

"Really?" Then, she said nothing more. After killing a few minutes on the bed, she rushed for some clean clothes from her closet and tugged them all in her bag. She took some of her books afterwards.

"Are you going out?" I asked carefully eyeing her as she packed.

"Yeah, my boyfriend is waiting for me downstairs."

"I see." That means I'll be alone again tonight. "Don't forget the umbrella. It will be raining until evening."

"Thanks." She was already standing at the door when she said it. "Well, don't wait for me, okay?" She smiled and I smiled back at her. The door was shut and she was gone. I sighed as I heard her faint footstep dying away.

I heard some disturbing scratches after that; a reminder of the previous occurrences. I looked down at my feet and saw Akari emerged from under the bed, a wide grin on her face.

"Nee, Aki-chan? The way you cover things up, it sounds like you are having a secret relationship with another girl."

"Shut up, Akari."


	2. Hikari

Fragments part 2 – Hikari

"Aki-chan~!" her voice echoed louder than the wordless whisper of the crowd. Doubtless, she had drawn the attention worth a thousand millennia. I sighed. Why people with high-pitched voice always didn't know how to control their voices?

"Aki-chan~!" I could feel her cheekily grab onto me and I swerved a little to my side. Damn brat!

"Why are you here?"

"That's rude, Aki. I just came here," she said pouting already. After all the years of knowing her, this girl pouted a lot more than any other girls would. "Besides, would it be so bad if I'm here? Ah!" I paced up before her, ignoring her, leaving her behind. "Aki, _matte! Mou_…" There, another pout, I guessed. I didn't need to turn at her to know this.

I heard her footsteps trailing behind me and she paced to catch up. "Nee, Aki. You are becoming more and more emotional lately. Being emo is not good for your health, you know. You should go and have some fun sometimes! Do you want to go watch a movie with me?" And she mumbled up some titles which I could not grasp.

"I don't want to watch movies with you," I deadpanned.

"_Hidoii!!_"

I left her behind again and it took her less than a second to grab onto me again. "Nee, Aki,. I guess I figure out what you need." For a second I eyed her from the corner of my eyes without turning and looked in front of me again. "You just need something to spice up your life, something that will give you new experience, new feelings, new expression to this stoic face of yours." She poked my left cheek with her pointing finger and laughed her usual annoying Thehehe.

"Stop it," I scoffed in disdain.

"You know, Aki, you need a guy in your life." My eyes widened in surprised as her voice trailed away with a strange echo. Instinctively, I whacked her hands away from my arm.

"I'm not interested in meaningless talk, Akari." She giggled as I rushed forward getting into the tunnel. She followed me like a shadow, into the darkness where I walked.

"Life has been so cruel, so cruel that it will freeze one heart. Someday, Aki, a person, a person will come to save you and thaw your heart away. Indeed, like the light at the end of this tunnel" _Baka onna da._ The books she read were getting to her head. I stepped out of the tunnel heading to the railway tracks. The bell of the railway chimed and the railing began to fall slowly across the path.

"Aki-chan, don't you agree with me? You cannot lie to me, Aki. I always know that you are – "

"Enough, I don't want to listen anymore to this!" I screamed at the top of my voice. The people who stood waiting by the railing stared as if a horn had just grown on my head. Akari whistled to herself, ignoring me. _Damn, she purposely did it! I hate her!_ I stared at my feet flustered.

"_Nee, Aki-chan, mae wo mite goran. _

_Hora! _

_Are wa kimi no hikari da_."

I lifted my eyes to see a dark figure in front of me, standing still at the other side of the track. His dark jacket matched with his raven coloured hair which hung loosely innocently on his head. No one had that kind of haircut anymore. Not after they graduated from school. But this person in front of me chose to stick to the fashion as if the time had been stagnant. And those nerd looking glasses… I imagined this guy had issues with his past memories.

"Murakawa Shiki," Akari said. " No, _Shiki-senpai, darou?_ Always innocent, warm and kind. I know he would suit your type, Aki." I glared at her as she said it but it only made her giggle more. I turned away, in shame looking back at him who was then looking thoughtfully at his watch.

"Really, Aki. You think I didn't know why you choose to go back on this route. You will find Shiki-senpai coming back from his part-time job on the way. Always looking silently and keeping things to yourself. You should learn to express your feelings a little bit." There was a sad tone in Akari's voice, a reason I didn't answer her this time, a reason I had gazed sadly on senpai's face.

The sound of the train grew louder and I could feel how the ground shook as it sped up past us, blocking our sight with unbearable but enticing blur. Just before it did, I caught Shiki-senpai's eyes on me, noticing me, smiling at me.


	3. Murasaki

Fragments part 3 – Murasaki

"Aki-kun, I…I.." he stuttered dragging me to full alarm. There was a taint of red on both his cheeks shooing my very heart to beat in haste. I knew where this will lead to, I knew it, yet I was too stunned, my feet too rooted to the ground and I could not get away.

"Shi-"

"Aki-kun," he called my name again this time with determination. Even still with a red face Senpai looked at me straight in the eyes, gathering every piece of his courage back in place. "Will you go out together with me?"

Silence ensued between us. I looked into his eyes and he in mine. It wasn't fair, his sat protectedly behind those glasses, thus shielding them from my glorious stare. I showed no emotion on my face.

"I really need to go back home, Shiki-senpai." I stepped away all at once, without turning, almost running.

"Aki-kun, wait!" Before he could say anything, I was gone, lost, disappeared beyond the corner as swift as shadows. I was glad that my gait made no sound and the thick pad of my snickers made my step almost noiseless. He won't know which way I went, surely.

Akari appeared jogging beside me as I walked. I was damn sure she heard it. Lurking somewhere in the shadow she did, and of course she heard it. I couldn't cover my anger as I heard her giggled.

"What are you sniggering at?"

"You shouldn't turn down a senpai like that, it's rude," she said, a smile on her face.

"I'm just not interested," I said rather absently.

"Are you? Thehehee… and what were all the running about? Does your heart beat so fast?" Instantly, all my senses were made aware of the crazy drum in my chest.

"DOKUN, DOKUN!" Akari mocked. My cheeks started to grow hot. Damn it! I'm blushing, when did it get there? Akari laughed again. "That's a good girl. Why not turn back now and wait for Shiki-senpai to come and chase after you, Aki-kun?"

"Stop teasing me! I don't want it to become that way. I'm not girly like any other girl. My hair's short. I don't know how to cook. I don't speak decently to people and he is just…" The stern tone in my voice was evening out as his face rose in my thoughts.

"He is just.. too polite, too kind…

He's not supposed to be with me!" _And calling me with the nickname my course mates call me, highlighting and knowing all my flaws, what was he thinking?_

.

Purple. I always love that colour. I like it because I think I will look good in it. I remembered I had a purple clothe once when I was in school. I love it so much and even my self-esteem boost up to the fullest wearing it. Right now, I don't even have a purple clothe.

"Why do you want to have a purple clothe now?" Akari asked as we walked along the corridor. My eyes widened a little. "No, the real question is, why do you want to look good now, instead of being so 'self-contiousless' as you were before?" I turned my head to my side facing her. I knew this will happen. I twitched as she laughed merrily by my side.

"So, he still shows up, Shiki-senpai, even he was being rejected so many times. That is quite admirable," she said. I sighed disdainfully and walked ahead of her. _I will give you the luxury to laugh at me this time, Akari. Just this time. _

Then, just ahead of me, I saw him again, noting, pausing, raising one arm, waving at me, smiling. I couldn't help but to witness things almost in slow motion. I wondered why, I think everything was lulled in his presence, as if everything will be drawn to his warmth, his kindness. Almost in an instant I will long for the purple clothe I wear in school, as if it could save me. Then, I will gasp, red-faced, and things will start to move normally again. Soon, I will realize that I need to run away from him as I always did in our many encounters at the collage.

_I did give a hint, right? Why did he keep coming back?_ And, I hate the way that guy put an effect on me.

.

"Ah, Aki-kun! I have been looking for you!"

_Perhaps, he's blind._

.

"Aki-kun, will you go out with me this weekend? But, if you're busy, it's okay."

_He's blind._

.

"Aki-kun, that thing looks heavy. Let me help you."

_He's so clueless._

.

"Ah, Aki-kun!"

_He's definitely clueless._

.

"Aki-kun!"

_BAKA!_

.

I stopped. I was planning to run away again, but this time for some awkward reasons, I stopped. Even Shiki-senpai had not said a word when I halted. Perhaps, it surprised him a bit.

"You are a persistent kind, Senpai. I just don't know what to do."

"Huh?" I turned around facing him. I just realized then, how small his frame is for a guy and his features, his eyes are soft and kind-looking that you won't be afraid of him. I mean, it was natural to fear a Senpai, but the person standing in front of me was just only a bit taller than me. The reason people respect him, I supposed, the reason people like him, WHY I like him is what he really is!

"Why are you so persistent, Shiki-senpai? Starting from that day and even until now."

"I guess it just can't be help." Despite my rage he began to smile and laughed stupidly. " I have fallen for you. Even though you don't accept it, by just meeting you, it makes me happy."

"But why Senpai? Why did you act like nothing happen?" I demanded, this time feeling a bit superior. Recognizing my anger, just once, there was a look of uncertainty in his eyes.

"I realize that you keep running away from me, Aki-kun."

"Drop the suffix, please, Senpai."

"_Yappari_, you didn't like the name people call you. I'm sorry." It didn't bother me but it sounded weird when you uttered so.

"Well, I realize that you keep running away from me, Aki, but you have not driven me away. Not even once." With that we both fell silent. My cheeks threateningly became warmer as I caught sight of a slight red taint on his face. Only when the feeling of discomfort started to set foot between us I sighed and started to say something.

"Well, we just don't suit together, see, Senpai? I'm a boyish girl and you are… It is the same like colours, alright? You are like… Beige… and I am hot Red. Beige and Red do not mix well together."

"_Murasaki_."

"Eh?"

"You are not Red, Aki-kun, I mean Aki. I think you are purple." My eyes widened a little to his remarks. At that time I could feel the tinge of curiosity, surprise and awe, lurching from inside of me in waves.

"It's the colour that symbolizes mystery and spirituality. As intriguing as it is, purple has both warm and cool properties, that it can calm but invigorate your spirit at the same time, like the flower of lavander. Really, it is quite unbelievable, don't you think, that only when we mix the strong warm and the strong cool colour, red and blue, two unique paradoxes, purple was borne. It is the same as you, Aki. I guess, the colour suits you better. I don't know whether it will mix well with beige, though," he said scratching the back of his head, a soft smile absently forming on his lips.

_Purple and beige do mix well together… the extra ordinary and the ordinary…_

Should I rejoice the words which I just heard or should I not? Perhaps I should but I felt like crying instead. Though a senpai he may seem to be, though a terrifyingly kind one as compared to myself, I knew as plain as day what I felt in my heart. With a mirthless smile I turned away. He didn't stop me, though, knowing that I will still run if he did. He just stood there, saying no words at all, accepting things.

That was why after a few steps I stopped.

"Shiki-senpai, I didn't deny that I like you myself, personally, as what I am. But, there are other things that concern me so bad that I couldn't do things simply like a good girl. Senpai, let me give you a good advice –

I turned my head a little, capturing his being from the corner of my eyes. And, the words rang almost too ruthlessly to our ears.

_- don't get too close to me, or you will end up getting hurt._"


	4. Hitori

Fragments part 4 – Hitori

I remembered when she was small, she was always alone. It seemed her entire world was closed to everyone else that she was the only character, both the protagonist and the antagonist altogether. Everyone might talk about her or call her names, yet she seemed not to be affected by it, not to care, not even to hate anyone.

Her blouses had no frills. They never had. And if girls wear ribbons on their heads, she wore none. In fact, the always-disheveled black locks were always short and now and then, people had mistaken her as a boy instead. Her smooth pretty features were striking, though; the only signature of her real self.

I remembered that her seat was far at the back of the class, far enough not to be remembered and she was the silent type. I had never heard her voice in class, because she simply didn't talk to anyone else. Because of this, I guessed, people found her weird, weirder when she came to school almost limping everyday, bruises on her arms and faces.

_What's wrong with her? Did she fight? _

_She looked like a boy, she must have! _

_Maybe she's just clumsy and tripped. _

_No one is too clumsy to trip everyday. _

_She had a bad attitude, that's why she got hit. _

_She's not a decent girl, how scary!_

Since no explanation ever came, people started to get scared of her and shunned her away. And, at the same moment, the bully started. It was normal to see her walked home with her school bag doodled over. It was normal to find her shoes got all worn at the shelves when the bell had rung. Sometimes, the shoes were not even there, retrieved after awhile in a dustbin. But, she had never cried, not even once, since those were all nothing to be compared afterwards. Yes, nothing to be compared with the abuse she will receive at home, the rage of a drunk father coming back from work. The hitting will get worse with the worn shoes and dirty clothes, however. Poor thing. She had no mother to protect her. She was long gone, died right after she was borne. So, the only thing she could do is to endure it, of course, nothing more.

It was too much to bear, I guessed, that I had finally decided to talk to her that day, as she sat at the entrance all alone waiting for the rain to stop.

"Hey, why are you still here?" She looked at me who was then stooping over her with wide eyes, confusion was written all over her childish face.

"I forgot my umbrella." _Ah, the ring of her voice! Despite of the surprise just now…_

"Then, why not just run through the rain? _Tanoshii desu yo!_"

"My clothe will get wet, I don't want to get into trouble."

"Heeeehh?" I grabbed onto her shoulders with my small hand and leaned my face so close to hers. I could feel her body shuddered ever so slightly to the touch and tensed. Our bangs were brushing against each other's cheeks. "Now that I'm looking at you this close, your eyes are pretty. They are dark but almost purple."

"You're annoying," she said flatly. With that I quickly released her.

"_Hidoii_, Aki-chan, though I like you very much." Another surprise swept through her face, I could tell, yet, she acted like she didn't care.

"Then, don't come and sit with me."

Her reaction was cute, even though it was rude to say so to a person you speak for the first time. Everyone said about the bad attitude she had. They were probably right. But, they were wrong about one thing; she's not scary… She's a shy person, instead. A mirthless smile started to appear on my lips.

"But, you look sad and lonely, I don't want you to get lonely."

"Why should you care," she replied, sweeping away an overgrown lock from her face with her hand, slowly tugging it behind her ears. A sight of a bruised hand had made something inside of me cringe.

"Hmm… because it is bad to become lonely."

"How bad is that? I like to be alone."

"Well, lonely people will become crazy one day, Aki-chan!"

"Crazy?"

"Yes, crazy! Like something wrong had happened in their brain!"

"Then, I'm already am. And I guess you are too; being all closed to a stranger."

"But, we are classmates!"

"A classmate you know nothing about is still a stranger."

"_Mou, Aki-chan wa zurui!_" I hugged both my knees and pouted. Aki, sitting beside me sighed. The conversation was dead between us and the hissing sound of the rain took over. Even so, much to our surprise, slowly and just as silently, we began to enjoy each other's company.

"_Nee, kimi" _I turned to her only to find dark eyes clutching my entire body_. _

"_Hontou wa… _

_kimi mo sabishii darou."_

Something had sunk in to the weight of her words and my eyes were eternally locked to Aki's dark unwavering eyes. When there was no answer coming from me, she continued to look ahead, staring at the endless rain. Then, with the same flat voice of hers, though with a little tinge of curiosity, she asked about my name.

"Akari. My name is Akari," I told her.


	5. Nukumori

Fragments part 5 – Nukumori

My pace was brisk and tense. From afar I could hear footsteps coming towards me. I walked faster, ignoring everything, eyes scanning the building to find a way out. Ahead, I saw a corner moving to a dark corridor. If I hid there for awhile, no one would find me. I adamantly walked ahead through the dark hallway, taking turns on another corner deeper into the shadows.

Only when I reached the end of it, I stopped, panting. The place was dark and there was only a small barred window hanging high on the wall. Little light came through it and so did the air, making the room a little stuffy and uncomfortable. This place felt like prison.

I took refuge at the corner of the dark space hidden from any light, and fell to the ground with my back against the wall.

How troublesome the life I'm having! People sometimes should take things easy in life. With that, suicide rate will be much lower, I guess, and no one would bother to jump out from a 13- storey building just to die with a smashed head. But, really, why do I need to run so much in my life? _Sugoku mendokusai da…_

"Nee, Aki, running away again?" There she was standing in front of me. Pale light coming through the barred window shone onto the floor where she stood as if the light was illuminating her presence while the shadows kept darkening mine. Perfect. It portrayed both of us well: of light and darkness.

"Why are you here, Akari?" I said with a sigh.

"I thought it would be interesting to look at a runaway Aki," she said giddily with hands behind her back.

"_Saite._ You are enjoying this are you?"

"Of course, I am. And, I'm curious too. Nee, Aki, why are still running away? Shiki-senpai had stopped coming after you, though."

"It has nothing to do with you."

"It has. Of course it has. And somehow, you seem to be running away from me too."

"I just want to be normal."

"_So desuka._ Really, I can't understand your logic, Aki." There was a laugh, a mirthless one and she continued to stand there in front of me with the fake smiles of hers.

"Then, stop coming and teasing me! You're making me crazy. Why did you come here, anyway, if all you want to do is to enjoy taunting me?"

"Because we are always together. And Aki is _aki_. At a time like this, you will always need me to become your _haru, _is it not right, Aki?"

"It does not mean autumn. It's vacant. That's what my name is."

"If that is true, then, call me _ana_ instead, so that at least I could provide a place for your vacancy." I stayed silent as she stood there waiting for me. She moved a little and stepped to the opened corridor. "Nee, Aki-chan, I believe you will get together with him, _kitto_."

"_Damare_."

"Afterall, a lonely person like you, where will you run away to? And saying that you won't hurt people, the truth is, the one who's bored of getting hurt is you, isn't it, Aki-chan?"

"_Oi, damare!_" I turned to her as I yelled. Yet, the one whose eyes I looked into were no longer the giddily troublesome girl, but an appearance which I wished to avoid. He stood there with a face a little astonished than I had ever seen.

"Aki-kun, I mean… I'm sorry, Aki, to whom are you talking to?" Really, Akari was no where to be seen, and I sat at the corner of the dark room before Shiki-senpai like a fool, relishing the deep embarrassment and shame all alone. When did she… _Sugoku kitanai da na, ano ko!_

There was a moment of silence as he waited confusedly for my answer. I was sure shock was written all over his face, yet I dared not to look at it. Somehow, deep down inside I felt like crying.

"I was speaking to myself, senpai. That's what I did." I pulled both my knees close to my chest hugging them. "In fact… I do it all the time. That's right. I'm not normal."

_Please just go away!_

"That's why, I told you to get away from me!" It was the first time my voice cracked as if I was about to cry. I had never been that close to showing my emotion before. Even when we had our last conversation before, nothing was shown on my face.

_Please, senpai. Leave me alone as I always am…_

Quietly, silently he bent his knees and sat cross-legged beside me. I didn't look at him yet I could feel the soft swish of his movement brushing against my skin. _Baka, his clothes will get dirty that way!_

"People said children sometimes talk to their imaginary friends. I don't believe that. Even I sometimes bite my nails when I'm deeply thinking, it's a habit I have since a long time ago." With that I turned to him, meeting his soft kind gaze he had on me.

"Really, despite of how you look, you are quite childish Aki. It's okay. After all, we, adults, are just children who have gotten bigger, that is all." He smiled at me.

"Then, aren't you afraid of me?"

"Do I have to be afraid of you, Aki?" he asked curious and in earnest. For some reasons as I looked into his eyes I felt a strange relieving emotion surging from my insides, pumping through all my veins. Was it security, I wondered. And unknowingly, his hand reached for me, tangling his long gentle fingers in my hair. Like a beaten cat that was lacked with all the love in the world, in the dark stuffy place, I was drawn to his warmth.


	6. Ryougi

Fragments part 6 – Ryougi

"Akari?"

"My childhood friend," I told him as I scooped up a spoonful of ice cream into my mouth. "She always came to tease me, the good for nothing girl."

"_Ano naa_, Aki…"

"Always immature, always has some strange thoughts in her head, always talks so loudly that it is annoying, always embarrasses me…" the list went on and I could hear Senpai's sigh as I said them. "Always says that she's strong. If she is why does she always come to me? Always shows a fake smile even though it hurts. That stupid girl, she never grows up!

"The only thing she ever made me feel happy was when she played the piano for me. She's very good in it, really, and I like it when she plays this one song that she said from Shakespeare's movie. What is it called I wonder…."

"You two are closed I see," Senpai said rather suddenly that I was lulled from my thoughts for a fraction of second.

"_Emm… missetsu ka na…"_ I wondered if it was really a proper word. I gazed up to the sky and watched the white wooly clouds moving like snails. Shiki-senpai who was sitting beside me on the bench sighed contently. I was sure he was doing the same. The park was not too crowded at this hour and I thought it was a good thing too.

_Matte! Why did I speak about that brat on my first date with Senpai?_ I turned to face him and saw his smiling face. I instantly turned away as my face felt hot. _Baka!_ He was at fault too in this, he's the one who kept making a kind face that I was carried away with my childish story with Akari. I wondered if I spoilt the day and the impression he always had in mind.

"_Nee, Shiki-senpai."_

"_Nani?"_

"_Ryougi no koto kiita koto aru ka?"_

"Ryougi? It was an old Chinese teaching, isn't it? The Yin and Yang," he said as he wondered. I gazed at the empty ice cream cup in my hand.

"It isn't exactly the Yin and Yang. Well, the symbol of Yin and Yang shows the intertwined black and white semicircles symbolizing two contradictory but complementary elements; light and darkness, positive and negative, man and woman. The small hole in both of them is the spiral of rivalry with contradiction. In the teaching of yin and yang this is what they call Ryougi; the state where the original is inseparably split in two.

"Everyone has a little of the opposite within them. A person, for instance, no matter how submissive would still have a little of dominant side in them. A man too, no matter how hard would still possess gentleness akin to the women's. A coward would still have some courage concealed in them. And reality would still contain pieces of dreams within it.

"Yes, reality and dreams… because they are complementary, because they cannot be separated, because each had the pieces of each one of them inside, reality and dreams sometimes cannot be distinguished.

_Senpai…_

_Shinjitsu wa nan darou…_

_Yume ya nan darou…_

Which one should we aim for?

Which one should we save?

Dream without reality is bottomless despair and Reality without dreams is emptiness…

Just like Reality and Dreams me and Akari… we…" my voice trailed away as I looked into Senpai's eyes. He was looking at me with such serious eyes that my heart almost stopped. His pairs, I believed, were the most beautiful pairs in the world even behind those glasses. As confusion dawned on them, his innocent eyes became… quite amusing.

"Thehehehe…What I mean is that… what I mean is that… Akari and I are… and even Shiki-senpai, perhaps… are what Ryougi is like." For the first time in life, I let out such a stupid laugh from my mouth.

.

I quickly scurried out of the convenient store carrying with me some packets of instant coffee and another cup of strawberry ice cream. Outside Senpai stood far away at the side of the road waving at me. I smiled and eagerly walked towards him like a child. I didn't know why, being in his presence I couldn't stop myself being childish. And, even at the mall we went to earlier I almost longed for a cute T-shirted teddy bear on the shelves. _And I am twenty-years old!_

At that moment, I saw a man in messy clothes walked and swayed near Senpai. Senpai, in his excitement was totally focusing on me and was unaware of the drunken man. They bumped onto each other and the wretched fell down to his knees on the ground. Realizing what had happened, Senpai quickly moved to his aid, helping him back to his feet, apologizing so many times. A kind person he was, I whispered to myself, and he even showed concern to a stupid helpless stranger who bumped on him on a wide street.

Suddenly, the man grabbed onto Senpai's collar and shouted at him. I was so surprised that I stopped. People on the street started to stare as if they were criminals. The drunken slum might but Senpai isn't. I could feel the surging heat within my veins as he held his collar back and forth forcing his head to lurch ever so painfully. Just when I felt that, wordlessly, unexpectedly, he shoved Senpai forcefully away towards the street and I could hear the siren of the car roaring so thunderously in my ears.

In that instant, everything faded to black.

.

The darkness lifted.

The first thing I saw was my small hand clutching at the bastard's neck.

There was a voice which had kept calling my name. AkiAkiAkiAki it said. How annoying. The man underneath me gasped. I could feel his useless attempt to breathe as his chest gave a helpless slow push against my knees. Instantly, my rage intensified and I hardened my grip to his neck almost crushing his windpipe.

"Aki, please, let go of him!" Senpai's voice snapped my head back to reality. Immediately, my grip loosened and I looked confusedly at the man beneath me who was then coughing and struggling for breath.

"Shi…ki-senpai?"

"Aki." I moved away, frightened with what happened. The man crawled on his feet shooting a sharp scornful yet horrified stare at me.

"Monster. Die, you monster!" he walked away fast, tumbling onto a dustbin as he went.

"Aki, are you alright?" Shiki-senpai knelt beside me holding both my shoulders.

"Shiki-senpai…" Tears started to form at the corner of my eyes. "Shiki-senpai." He pulled me closer to him and wrapped his warm arms protectively around me.

"It's okay, Aki. It's okay." Tears were falling down wetting his dark shirt.


	7. Nakayoshi

Fragments part 7 – Nakayoshi

"How long are you going to stay under that blanket, Aki?" I didn't have to pull the warm blanket away to know who it was. I snuggled deep under the pillow clasping the fabrics tightly with one hand.

"As long as I could."

"Heeehh? Didn't you get all sweaty in there?" Her lazy voice was annoying.

"Shut up for once, Akari, please."

"Aheheheheheh." She began to laugh and I heard some thump thump sound smashing the silence in the room as she banged her legs up and down against the deserted bed.

"Asako is a neat girl, I tell you. I don't want her to come back and ask why her bed is messy."

"But, it was way too funny," she said giggling.

"What?"

"You never ever did plea me before. It sounds just out of place. Really that guy change you a lot, Aki. _Shiki-senpai banzai_!"

"Shut up!"

"Come on, Aki. No need to get so upset. Senpai is a good person. He said it's okay, didn't he?"

"But, that's not it." My voice sounded helpless for once but it was too late to take it back then. Hearing that, Akari laughed again.

"What? You think you had made him scared?" Akari stopped banging her legs against the bed as she threw the question. There was a slight pause afterwards, I could tell that she had turned to me and waited for my answer. "He may look frail alright," she continued hopefully as if she was staring at the ceiling. "But, he's a senpai! A senpai won't get scared of aggression easily." _What kind of logic is that? This girl had no brain!_

I mean, how would you feel when you go out with a girl on a date, first date, and on that day you got a fight with someone dangerous? And of all people, the girl you're dating with was the one who took the villain down, almost killing him! Such circumstances will lead you to break up with her, at that very instant! "Okay, I change my mind, a normal people might get scared a little," Akari said after pondering to herself. _Damn brat!_ "But, what did he say after that?"

"He said it's okay," I told her with my usual heartless voice underneath the blanket. Akari's hearing was quite sharp to hear me.

"Alright what did he do?" she asked again, this time, blandly.

"He.. he…" Between stutters quick images rushed by, reminding me the whole things that had taken place. I could still remember what he did as he said those words to me. I could still felt the salty taste of my tears on my very tongue, and… _I had cried in his arms, had I not?_ A warm blush rose onto my cheeks and it took me everything to not let it show.

"He?" There was a dangerous tinge of curiosity in Akari's voice.

"It's nothing." I said grasping the blanket tighter with my hand.

"Thehehehe… something must happen! What is it?" There, her cheeky voice. I should better end this conversation before it became worse.

"I'm not telling you." There was a creaking sound afterwards, the sound of Asako's bed, and gentle footsteps were later heard, coming very slowly, very cheekily towards me. Before I could pull the blanket off my face, the next think I knew, Akari had jumped onto my bed, pinning me under her.

"You will tell me," she said, in an evil kind of way and almost mercilessly as she leaned her face down closer to mine. Just like the old days, I could feel her soft bangs and gentle breath brushing against my face. And, in a fraction of seconds, the torment began. She slipped her small slender hand under my blanket and started to tickle my sides. I lurched back and forth on the crazy bed, screaming, cursing, laughing. The cruel creaking sound of my own bed seeped into my mind like a nightmare.

"Hey, stopped it. Akari! Akari, you crazy brat! Ah-hahahahah. Stop it. I said stop it…" Tears started to spill from my eyes enduring the painful ticklish sensation all over my body. It took me everything to not even let myself urinate on my own bed!

Only when I had reached a point where I couldn't take it anymore, she stopped. We both stayed where we were on the bed with ragged breath, relishing the comfort that sank in. In unawares, I had looked rather gratefully into her eyes and was surprised to find a pair of wistful eyes staring at me. I was silent for a moment and so was she. She rubbed the tears on my cheeks away and smiled. It was the most beautiful smile she ever showed me and inexpressible joy was written all over her face. That was why, the moment she uttered those to me I was robbed of every word.

"Nee, Aki. I remembered when we were small, you were always the one who bullied me. Your cold remarks, your attitude towards me as if you didn't care, always I was the one who would cry. But now, things are turning up side down. I don't have the slightest idea that I will have the luxury to see something else in you besides your stoic face. I think, I really should thank that guy, when I meet him someday."

I could only smile evilly back at her and snorted. "Go and make some tea for me, you stupid tickling brat! I'm going to class."

"You are? Yeay! I'm so bored." Akari quickly got up from the bed, bouncing away to the kitchen.

At that moment, the phone beside my pillow rang. A message. From Shiki-senpai? I pushed the button carefully with trembling hands. I wondered what he would say.

_Aki, where are you? Bon Odori festival on this Friday night, want to come?_

I pulled the blanket higher covering all my head, a smile and a warm blush spreading across my face like wildfire.


	8. Chi to Namida

Fragments part 8 – Chi to Namida

"Aki, it's late, I'll walk you home." Reaching under the lamp post, he stopped. He took off his coat and put it around me.

"It must be cold wearing that," he said with a smile.

"Well, thank you." I said almost a whisper.

"Say, Aki, aren't you mad at me now?" Yeah, I had almost forgotten that I was angry at him. I thought he was going to wear traditional clothes for the festival. Well, everybody will for such festival. It took me great pain to break the familiarity by wearing a kimono.

It's the first time I ever appeared like a girl, and I had gone to a great length by borrowing it from a friend, despite of how embarrassed I might feel wearing it. Yet, he appeared that night wearing no other but his favourite black jacket.

"I'm sorry, Aki. I promise I will wear a hakama next time.," he said apologetically.

"No, it's okay. I'm no longer mad at you," I said with a poker face trying not to appear as forgiving. But, unconsciously I raised my hand to my hair feeling the texture of a hairpin Shiki-senpai had bought for me. It was smooth and cold against my skin.

"Really? _Jaa, yokatta_." He smiled so innocently that I was forced to turn away. _I'm not going to blush in front of him again, it's pathetic._ Yet, the warmth raised to cheeks very slowly much to my despair.

"We need to make a turn here, Senpai," I said as we reached a black alley.

"Wow, it's dark. You shouldn't go home late, Aki. Not when you are alone," I heard him said. It's the road I took everyday, with companion or without. If there weren't really someone, it was not like I had a choice. Most of the time I would walk alone, feeling the strange sensation as the darkness swallowed me in. I didn't really mind and I didn't feel fear. Because, the darkness that loomed around my entire being was no more than a sad loneliness. Really, nothing bad ever happen me. Senpai must have read a gory thriller recently, I mused to myself.

But, I was wrong that night. No, the life had gone wrong, destiny, fate and everything, and I was left to nothing else to blame as two black figures approached us.

"Well, well, look what we have here."

Senpai quickly pulled me behind him trying his best to shield me from the devils' view. I knew that it would be useless.

"What do you want?" Senpai's voice was calm yet I could feel that he was worried. "If you want money then-"

"_Nii-san_, money has become the second place since there's an interesting jewel behind you." I felt Senpai's slight grip on my wrist as the two men laughed. Suddenly, the huge man grabbed hold of Senpai's collar and slammed him painfully onto the wall.

"Shiki-senpai!" Instantly, I felt someone grabbing me from behind, with a hand covering my mouth so that I could not scream. There was a glint of a knife. I could feel its steely coldness on my neck. I heard Senpai's worried voice calling my name and I saw him being slammed against the wall again, hitting his head. This time, he fell limply on the floor. The man stood over him, towering upon his frail form as he looked dazedly upwards, a line of blood trailing down his temple.

The man who was holding me started to caress my body. He pulled the kimono down determined to peal off the white _nagajuban_ I was wearing. Soon, I realized that I had more to lose that night than simply a scar and a scary memory. But, my eyes were locked on Senpai as he was stamped and kicked over and over again.

I struggled a little as if it would stop the whole thing. The blade came so close against my neck that it bled. But, I cared none at all. It didn't concern me right then. My heart was viciously thorn, as I heard Senpai coughed painfully on the floor. My world became a frightening blur as I heard the sound of ribs breaking.

.

_Aki Aki._ The soft voice rang in my head.

_Aki, help me! _I knew from the start that she's been crying. What a bad happy mask she put on.

_Atashi ga saisho kara kiete shimatte ii noni…_

_No, I won't let him kill you!_

_._

Blood spurred like rain. The knife that stayed within my hand spun around faster than my own eyes could catch. I heard scream echoed through the alley but scream did not entertain me as much as death would. One slice, one throat and the last monster fall to his knees, spurting blood on his way. My kimono was soaked crimson down to my feet. The hot rivulet was dripping down to the solid ground where I was standing, flowing slowly to where Senpai laid. His eyes were wide as he looked up at me from behind. I didn't need to turn around to know this. In fact, I didn't want to. I didn't want to see that horrid looks in his eyes, yes, as he saw the real monster within me.

"Sorry…" Wet tears came down, mixing up with the bloody smear on my face. I knew I will lose everything, ever since we knew each other. Despite of knowing this… despite of knowing this… I still hurt people. "I'm sorry…

…Shiki."


	9. Shiroi Himitsu

Fragments part 9 – Shiroi himitsu

I limped on my side as I walked across the cafeteria. There were some girls talking at a table not very far away from where I stood. Two weeks being absent in the campus, people had tremendously dwindled from coming to the cafeteria. What happened?

I trudged to reach a table at the corner of the room very close to the glass window. My ribs hurt as I sat down. Broken ribs can heal on their own, alright and it had been two weeks. But, my body had been unfortunately frail ever since I was a boy. I stretched a bit to comfort my self and twitched in pain. Now, all I have to do is to wait. I thought I was late and I almost cursed myself for letting a girl wait for me. But, truth to be said, she was no where in sight.

I held the juice box carefully in one hand and placed it very slowly on the table in front of me. After all the ordeal of walking just now, I couldn't raise my arms that high so it would be quite impossible for me to hold the box while drinking from it. But, nibbling the straw from a juice box on the table without really holding it was quite a sight. Really, Mr. Juice box, it is like a lose-lose situation here…

I sighed and my mind drifted.

Aki… I wondered where she was…

The moment I woke up in the hospital she wasn't there. I thought that she was somewhere in the hospital, at the restroom taking a break, or in one of the patients' room resting. But, she never did appear before me as if she was gone. _Did she? What happened the night before I fell unconscious? The two street guys that night, did she…?_

Something suddenly stung my head and I was forced to bend a little as I held it with my hand. Sweat started to fall down my temple and my breath was short. My vision too was frighteningly blurred as if the world itself was a fake.

_Senpai, shinjitsu wan an darou…yume ya nan darou…_

The numb in head started to fade away and the pain in my ribs slowly sank in. I twitched on my seat again and straightened myself.

"Aki…"

"Shiki-senpai!" I squinted to the voice and saw Ootori Asako standing in front of me.

"I have something to do after this, so I can't talk long with you, Senpai," she said as she sat down placing her bag carefully on the seat next to her.

"It's okay. It is just a few questions after all." I smiled. Looking at my face, something had dawned on her, I guessed, and I was very surprised of her next question.

"You are here to ask about my roommate, isn't it, Senpai?"

"Well, did she tell you about me?" I asked, blinking not believing my ears.

"She's quite secretive about her private life. But, everyone in the campus knows, Senpai," she said as-a-matter-of-factly.

"Well, that is … quite… erm… yeah." I smiled again covering my embarrassment. I hoped that my face had not turned red. "You know that something happened to us that day." With that her cheerful face disappeared.

"It was in the news." She nervously reached for her bag and took out a juice box from it. It was the same flavour of my own, only that she drank it with both her hands holding it.

"And we know that right after the incident, she was gone," I continued pretending not to notice the drastic change in her. "I was in the hospital the whole time, so I could not figure out what happened." _Did she get arrested? But, I had looked for her for days. She was nowhere to be found, not even in the local prisons…_

"She was not arrested, but she was indeed taken away." She said as if reading my mind. I looked at her in surprised.

"Taken away?"

"Senpai, Shirazumi-san, she… she is sick… I didn't know that either when we started to stay together, but… after some times…after some times…she started to show some signs…" I didn't like what she was about to tell me. I didn't know why, there was something in her tone that alarmed me. Yet, the surging curiosity inside me forced me to listen, and I couldn't abandon Aki just like that.

"You might not understand this, Senpai, but when I was first moved in the room, when we first met, her aunt was there too… She was such a lovely old lady and we talked a lot. I could still remember before she went, she gave me a card and told me to call her if Shirazumi-san is acting weird.

"At that time, I didn't understand this, yet, one night I was awakened by voices coming from her side, I thought she was talking in her sleep, yet the talking went on almost every night. I thought it was normal for her. I even caught her talking during the day. When I came back, she was all alone inside, and I could hear her talking from outside the door, conversing as if there were two persons.

"I was a little scared, yet, I told myself that maybe she's the kind of person who talks to herself.

"One day, I accompanied a friend of mine for his research work. He is studying psychiatry and we were looking at old records from numerous provinces when I caught a name which is quite familiar to me. The little girl was abused and because she had schizophrenia, she… Yet, I couldn't confirm that yet, so I went back and asked Shirazumi-san some questions.

"I asked her about her childhood life, where she had grown up and all. Really, I knew nothing about her. She didn't name me the place and told me that remembering her childhood memories was the thing she hated to do. I boldly asked her why, and she did tell me one thing, with the usual flat voice of hers…

"Because my drunkard father abused me so many times that it isn't worth remembering.""

.

The monster shoved my small frail body away. It was a normal push, I guessed, yet it was enough to throw me against the hard solid wall. With the impact, my legs collapsed and I sank to the floor.

He, then, threw the empty bottle to the floor and it smashed with a ring of hideous sound that I cowered in fear. The splinters of the glass flew very near to where I lay and one had grazed my cheeks with a dull pain. Sure enough, my cheek was bleeding.

He moved closer towards me, bending down on me, grabbing my neck harshly into a sitting position. My breath came in short gasps, I was hyperventilating.

"SMILE!" He clutched my small chin as he said that. "SMILE! AND DON'T YOU DARE TO CRY." Even so, I was so scared that tears started to fall.

_Aki… Aki… Aki…_ And, I sobbed.

Frustrated, father punched my side and a searing pain clutched my ribs. I guessed something had cracked.

_Aki… Aki… Aki…_

I wondered how I would I go to school tomorrow. Father cursed, spat and left me crying on the floor.

_Aki… Aki… Aki…_

I was smiling while I cried.

_Aki… Aki… Aki…_

"_Onegai, tasukete…"_

.

"Please stop," I whispered as the image left my mind. It felt so real that my heart began to break. My head hurt so much that even if I had said anything, Ootori Asako would not hear it. _So, Aki had… _

"I got really scared, Senpai and started to call the number her aunt gave me. But, no one had answered every time I called. I guessed the aunt had abandoned her too like what the records said. And she, she didn't take any medication and I was staying with her, every one would feel scared as much as I do. That is why, I rarely came back to the apartment and stayed at my friend's house." As she told me the story, tears started to threateningly spill from her eyes. I sighed quietly to myself. She had every reason to get that scared.

"Ootori-san, I'm sorry. What is it that you find in the records that you haven't told me?" I asked rather sadly. I saw her grasp the empty juice box tightly in one hand trying to collect herself.

"Senpai, according to the report that I read that day, Shirazumi, at the age of 13, had killed her father. Because she was later diagnosed with a mental illness, she was not arrested but taken to the psychiatric institution instead. I thought she became better and entered university. I guess I was wrong." She let the cramped juice box alone on the table and it stood ironically, satirically in front of mine.

"Then, do you know which institution she's in?" Asako only shook her head.

"The relatives who took care of her keep changing. I tried to find her too, but couldn't…

"Senpai, if I weren't so scared of her and continued to stay with her, perhaps… things like this won't happen again, don't you think?" With that, I didn't say anything and looking at her, I knew even she didn't need any comments from me. My heart was thorn knowing the truth.

Asako sighed and made a gesture to leave.

"Wait, Ootori-san!" She stopped and turned at me. Her bag was already placed onto her shoulder.

"There is a closed friend of hers that she always talks about. Perhaps, if you could help me to meet the girl, I could ask her where she is."

"What is her name?" she asked.

"A girl with the name Akari." Hearing that, she looked at me withthousands of questions on her face.


	10. Jibun no Kakera

Fragments part 10 – jibun no kakera

Silence reigned the entire room as she put her fingers gracefully onto the piano keys. I could see how messy they looked as they were placed there, gathering courage to move about; a sight of an untaught talent. Even so, no matter how illiterate she was, my heart was robbed of every beating as I sat waiting for the melody to rise. Yet, it was as if the song she was about to play would consume me alive… I longed for it, wished for it, thrilled by it, scared of it…

I could hear her humming the song in her head even though I could hear nothing. She remembered the song by heart. And even while I set myself ready to play it, she stood here beside me memorizing the lyrics to herself. Because of it, even when my fingers danced on the old piano keys, I was not aware of anything at all, save her sweet voice singing the foreign song.

_A time for us_

_Someday there'll be_

_When chains are thorn_

_By courage born_

_Of a love's that free_

_A time when dreams_

_So long denied_

_Can flourish_

_As we unveil the love _

_We now must hide_

_A time for us_

_At last to see_

_A life worth-while_

_For you and me_

As I climbed the ascending stair, I could hear an angelic voice echoing though every spaces. My heart was racing, recognizing whose voice it belonged to, but the melancholic tune had slowed down my reflexes forcing me to move very slowly up the spiral stairs tormenting me from within. This force that I felt, it was puling me so slowly and at the same time so hardly that it hurt.

_And with our love_

_Through tears and thorns_

_We will endure_

_As we pass surely _

_through every storm_

_A time for us_

_Someday there'll be_

_A new world_

_A world of shining hope_

_For you and me_

She played it well, so well that I cried while I was singing.

She sang it well, so well that tears started to flow.

What a lovely song. Even while I stood at the door looking at the girl who was playing the instrument, all worries that had been haunting me faded away. Indeed, like a dust in the wind.

_A world of shining hope_

_For you and me_

As the tune died away I opened my eyes to see _him_ standing before me. Then, I smiled.

"So you have found me, Murakawa Shiki-senpai," she said as she got up. It was the same voice, the same face... yet… the smile… "I'm glad that you did. I'm really looking forward to meet you."

"Yes, I came for you, Aki." There was a slight pain in her eyes as I uttered that name. And, surprisingly enough, it was the same for me "Or, should I say, Shirazumi Akari."

"_Akari?" The girl turned at me with thousands of questions on her face; questions unbearably painful. That was why, the things she had said afterwards, even though was the most shocking in the world, in truth, had saddened me._

"_That is what her first name is, Senpai. Shirazumi Akari."_

"So you have figured that out, Shiki-Senpai, about us." She walked across the room passing the old piano and stood facing me.

"Akari and Aki are the same person. The person whom I had spent a lot of time with, the person whom I had fallen in love with. I wondered which one of you is the truth." Even there was a murderer standing before him, the worry in his eyes was not the image for himself but directed to me instead. _Senpai, you are such a kind person._

"Aki, she was a part of me. A person who was borne because of an old wish I made. Even so, she is always the one who protects me, from the beginning, even until now, she was the one who freed me from that demon.

"She had told you, hadn't she, of how we are like the truth and dreams? Yes, like the light and shadows, heaven and earth, acceptance and rejection. Do you know, Senpai, if I was in danger, she would reject everything in order to protect me. _Fushigii darou?_ Even though her job was to reject things, she took my place and accepted everything, pain, shame, and loneliness on my behalf.

"I don't want her to go though that anymore. It was just a silly wish and I don't want her to go as far as that to protect me. I just want her to be happy. That is why, when you came, Senpai, I was happy. I started to see her smile, for the first time in my life, and for the first time in her life, she began to accept happiness." With that, she smiled at me, with her hands pulled together behind her. I hadn't told anyone how much I missed that smile; the smile Aki showed me on the bench that day while eating ice cream._ "Arigatou, Shiki-senpai. Senpai no kakete, Aki-chan wa shiawase ni naru." _

"Then, where is Aki now?"

"In the end she decided to come back to me. I couldn't stop that since it was her choice, to be one again with me. Despite of how she looked, Aki-chan was actually a kind and selfless girl. She told me that she would continue protecting me. Even while we were talking right now, senpai, she is here listening to every word."

"Then, will I be able to talk to her again?"

"I'm sorry, Senpai, she had returned to where she was belonged to and that was her own choosing… unless…" _Trully, I don't want him to suffer as much as Aki did._

"Unless?" She reached out one arms towards me with a pair of mirthless eyes that would spill some tears.

"_Senpai, shinjitsu wan nan darou… Yume ya nan darou?" _Her words, for some reasons had let the long-lost memories emerged from the abyss of my mind and just as suddenly, the hurtful darkness came.

.

A little girl lay on the cold floor on her sides. Her body was hurt and her throat was dry. It would be great if she could crawl out to the kitchen and get some water, even just a little, yet she knew that the door was locked. From deep insides of her, there was a faint hope that her father wouldn't throw the key away and left her there to die.

Little by little the moon rose and she could see the faint silver glimmer through the window darting on the cement floor. It was dark in the room and the silvery light was almost enticing. Thus, she crawled on her sides pulling herself painfully towards it. At times she stopped to catch her breath and there was also a time when abruptly halted and groaned for a slight movement had let some painful sensation seared up her body and limbs. No one would hear her scream, though, and because of that despite of the pain, she held herself together to reach the light.

The moon was great. The full moon hung majestically on the dark sky, looking down at her blanketing its light around her as if protecting her. It didn't entirely erase her pain, of course, yet, but just looking at it, in an instant, the hurt soften, somehow.

That night, she decided that she like the moon. She didn't exactly hate the sun, however, she just like the moon best and she would look at it every night. It would be better if the moon would also be able to make her dreams come true.

_Dekiru kana?_ Will the moon grant my wishes? Each and every one of them? Of course not… The moon was only the celestial thing, something that hang in the sky, the same as the planets did. She had leaned that in school. Because of that, she started to cry.

"If people would grant me wishes I wish the pain would stop.

I wish that I am not weak.

I wish that I would be able to go to school normally tomorrow, without people saying bad things about me.

I want to learn a lot, go to school and the University in Tokyo like what teacher said

I wish that I will never be lonely and have a friend who will always accompany me.

I wish that I can be happy and kind to anyone else." Tears started to fall down her cheeks and she sobbed.

"I wish that I am not me. I wish that I am a boy instead.

It would be better… it would be better… if I had disappeared from the start."

.

For some reasons pearly drops of tears started to appear in his eyes. It spilt and made a beautiful line down his cheeks. As our eyes met, I saw realization was swimming in them. I knew then that he had understood.

Once again, reaching her hand out towards me, she smiled. It was after all, my own choice to make, she told me. Just as I thought, the place where I was belonged to was…Reaching out for her hand, in a fraction of seconds, I halted.

"No matter what happened, I want you to know that I will always love you, and that you are not alone," he said and tightly grasped my hand in his. We both exchanged smiles as he did.

_Thank you…_

Instantly, his being started to break and scattered up in the air like feathers. The shinning lights coming from his pieces came brushing against my face softly before they rose illuminating the entire room. Then, without a word, without a sound, they vanished.

A tear slobbered down my cheeks even the smile was still there plastered on my face.

"_Okaeri, minna…soshite…sayonara."_


	11. The author's note

Hoho I know this story is weird. I purposely rely on the dialogues alone so that people will have the freedom to imagine things. But, of course you will get confused because it is a psychological kind of story and the point of view keeps changing sometimes without warning.

As you can see it is not really a Fanfic, but Kara no Kyoukai had inspired me to write this. Some of my friends dislike KnK so much and I don't really have the right companion to share this. Truthfully, I like KnK very much because the character Shiki reminds me a lot to myself. And, yes, in case you are wondering, I have the other _side_ with me…

People might say it was schizophrenia, or maybe disassociative personality disorder, but since I am still well with a lot of things to do, courses to learn, researches to finish, stories to write, and a whole bunch of school children to teach, I guess it is just a unique way of thinking. I didn't say it had put me in great disadvantage. In fact, my other side had helped me a lot in my things, in facing a frightful presentation for example, a silent discussion during exams, or not to mention a meeting with a bad-ass superior. Hehe… Two heads is always better than one! :P I dare say that the other is quite uncontrollable sometimes when she feels I am in danger. It surprised me that she's able to sense a lot of things every time, while I'm always the naïve and blurred one. There must be certain reasons for myself to be split in two, but truthfully I didn't regret that it happens to me.

So, the things in this story is not based on my experience (no, I am not abused during childhood to the point of losing my mind!) and I made it just to introduce to people the way a split person might think. Maybe I should put some translation for all the Japanese phrases in this story. The reason, I used the Japanese phrases is that, that's how the real conversation was in my head and translating it will erase the real effects of that statement.

I'm sorry for the confusing story. Please read my other Fanfic, if that will ease you. ^_^

Translation:

**Chapter 1**

Baka: Idiot

Nande: Why?

Tadaima: I'm home

Okaeri: welcome home

Baka onna da: Idiot woman

**Chapter 2**

Hidoi!: You are so cruel!

Nee, Aki-chan, mae wo mite goran. Hora! Are wa kimi no hikari da: Hey, Aki, look in front of you. There! That is your light.

Shiki-senpai darou?: It's Shiki-senpai, right?

**Chapter 3**

Kun: is a word used to address a boy or an underclassman/ kouhai.

Yappari: as I thought

Murasaki: purple

**Chapter 4** (Akari's POV)

Hitori: alone

Tanoshii desu yo: It's exciting, you know!

Mou, Aki-chan wa zurui: Enough, Aki-chan is cunning.

Nee, kimi, hontou wa kimi mo sabishii darou: Hey, you. The truth is, you too are lonely, aren't you?

**Chapter 5**

Nukumori: warmth

Sugoku mendokusai da: How very troublesome!

Saite: You are bad.

Sou desu ka: Is that so?

Aki: it means autumn but it also means empty depending on the kanji characters

Haru: spring

Ana: hole

Kitto: surely

Damare: shut up!

Sugoku kitanai da na ano ko: what a dirty child!

**Chapter 6**

Missetsu ka na: close I wonder…

Matte: wait!

Nani: what?

Ryougi no koto kiita koto aru ka: Have you heard about Ryougi before?

Shinjitsu wan nan darou: what is reality?

Yume ya nan darou: what is dreams then?

**Chapter 7**

Nakayoshi: getting closer

**Chapter 8**

Chi to namida: blood and tears

Jaa, yokatta: that's good

Nii-san: brother

Nagajuban: the inner layer of kimono

Atashi ga saisho kara kiete shimatte ii noni: It's better for me to just disappear from the start.

**Chapter 9** (Shiki's POV)

Shiroi himitsu: the white secret

Onegai, tasukete: please help me.

**Chapter 10** (mixed POV)

Dekiru ka na: Can it/ can that happen?

Okaeri minna… soshite sayonara: welcome home everyone… and, good bye.

That's the closest I could translate them… Sorry again! ^_^


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